My Road to a Miracle: January 2008

Saturday, January 5, 2008

New Hope

It's on to a new year, with renewed hope. We are still not totally ready to start the "procedures" again, but I feel a renewed sense of hope as we go into 2008. Whether God's plans are for us to have a baby or adopt, we will have our family someday. That's the hope I hold on to for now. We had such a wonderful Christmas vacation spent with our wonderful families. We are so blessed. Happy New Year to you all!

The Reason

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "things happen for a reason", of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan? "What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known. While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."Author unknown

Fertility Timeline

July 19, 2003: Married
Oct. 2004: cone biopsy
May 2005: began TTC
Dec. 05 - Feb. 06: fertility work-up/analysis
March 2006: First IUI attempted but nurse could not get speculum into cervical opening
April 2006: Laporoscopy performed to remove endometriosis and dilate cervical opening (so IUI could be peformed)
April 2007: 2nd IUI
Sept. 2006: 3rd IUI
Oct. 2006: 4th and final IUI
Jan. 2007: GIFT #1; BFN
March 2007: FET #1; BFN
April/May 2007: GIFT #2 + ET; resulted in ectopic pregnancy
July/Aug 2007: GIFT #3 + ET; BFN
Oct. 2007: FET #2; resulted in either ectopic or m/c (never fully determined)
March 2008: FET #3; BFN
April 2008: Hysterosonogram: showed everything in uterus to be completely normal (no polyps or anything interfering with implantation)
April 29, 2008: FET
May 12: BFP!!!!!! Number looks great at 207!
May 19: Number continues to rise...2,539!
May 27: Fetus still growing...20,937!!!
May 29: First u/s showing a sac and heartbeat-6 wks, 4 days
June 24: Another u/s and baby moved! 10 wks, 1 day
August 19: 18 week u/s...It's a girl!

My Road to a Miracle

Saturday, January 5, 2008

New Hope