Not today

Well, after another lost pregnancy, I am exhausted. I'm exhausted from wanting this so bad, from being sad, from crying, from waiting, from hoping, from disappointments, from the heart wrenching pain I feel everytime I see a pregnant woman or a daddy holding his baby girl...exhausted from everything on the roller coaster of infertility. I am to the point where I don't want to see another shot, another pill, another cotton swab for a long, long time. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I just want to be happy and content with my life and how it is right now at this very moment. For I am blessed in so many other ways. I need to be happy just being "auntie" for now.

I know someday we are going to have our family and be able to look back at this and understand why we went through it and what we learned from it. But right now it doesn't make any sense. We just have to hold on to God's promise that he knows His plan for us. And that someday we'll have our family...just not today.